Who does not know the story of Adam, Eve, and the apple? The attractiveness of the forbidden It is something that should always be kept in mind, and that we can find in many discussions about day-to-day problems. Today, we talk about it.
- 1 Prohibition during childhood arouses curiosity
- 2 Prohibitions during adolescence
- 3 Freedom in adults
The ban during childhood arouses curiosity
Children are curious by nature, and it is that curiosity that leads them to discover the world around them and experience new things. And, without a doubt, this is something that is part of human learning, and should not be limited.
Therefore, the curiosity of children is a basic instinct to learn, to know the world, to grow, to mature and, therefore, to improve the ability to survive. Hence, no one should try to limit a child's curiosity (except dangerous cases, of course).
During this stage, trying to ban something will only generate a greater interest in what is prohibited, because not only will the curiosity of doing what is prohibited be satisfied, but also what will happen when doing something forbidden.
So, during this stage, the most advisable is not to prohibit anything to the child, but to generate alternatives. And, during this stage, what is not named does not exist (or, at least, does not arouse interest in the child).
The more you tell him not to paint the walls, the more attractive he will seem to paint the walls. However, if you don't pay much attention to them the first time you paint them and instead show them papers and other places to paint, you will probably choose it (as long as you consider it as something interesting).
The prohibitions during adolescence
During adolescence, what the young man will do is try to assert himself. It is a process in which he is trying to know and discover himself, and he needs to distance himself from the paternal patterns and highlight the difference with respect to them, defining his own path.
It is here that the character and personality that was emerging in the infant stage matures, and it is important that the young person has possibilities to create their own space and decisions, to "create himself."
At this stage, defying prohibitions is a comfortable way to distance yourself from parents, who instilled certain canons from an early age. That is why the forbidden becomes more attractive, because it’s the fastest and most comfortable way to self-affirm against each other.
During this phase, the ban will hardly achieve anything. That is why it is better to opt for negotiation, and always respecting the fact that the young person is a different and unique person.
Respecting their individuality, their opinion and their decision is a good way to start a negotiation.. However, at the same time, it must be reminded that decisions have consequences and that, once one is a complete individual, one has to take care of them and be responsible.
Since such negotiations are much more likely to reach some point of agreement between the young and the adult that from the simple prohibition.
It may interest you: Forbidden love
Freedom in adults
Adulthood is, by definition, the stage of freedom, maturity and responsibility. It is here when the person decides their projection in life completely free and becomes independent from their parents.
At this point, no one has the right to decide our trajectory, and we also have no right to decide the trajectory of others. That is why we talk about a stage of respect and individuality, but also of freedom and responsibility.
Naturally, during this stage, the prohibition generates a natural rejection towards those who exercise said prohibition, and also an attraction towards the forbidden, as a way to show that we own our life and that nobody should get over us.
During this stage you should not ban anything, either. And, in fact, even if a ban was raised, it is likely that absolutely nothing was achieved, because the adult is free to make the decisions he deems appropriate.
However, freedom implies responsibility. This means that, if the adult in question prefers the freedom to do something we dislike, he may have to accept that the consequence of this is that we distance ourselves.
Not all decisions are respectable from our moral canons. And, although we are not the ones to question the decisions of that other adult person, yes we have the right to cut relationships with those who make decisions that undermine our morals (or that, directly, affect us negatively).
As you can see, the attractiveness of the forbidden It is something that cannot be ignored. Any attempt to ban something will make it more interesting than it would have been from a good beginning. Therefore, it is convenient to find alternative strategies to prevent someone from doing something that we do not want them to do.